Courage Is as Courage Does

I once had a boss who specialized in psychological warfare. He humiliated me in front of colleagues until I was ready to explode. The day I stood up to him changed everything about how I understand courage. Stay tuned, you’ll read all about him.

Are you content to sit on the bench and accept a slow emotional and spiritual death? By the way, I’m not being morbid, for I have news for you - you, too, will one day breathe your last breath.

When you were in high school, did you try out for a role in a drama production? Did you avoid talking with that attractive boy or girl because you were terrified of stumbling over your words?

Did you choose the career you wanted or the one that “sort of worked out”?

Did you date the people that you were attracted to, or did you say to yourself, “They are way out of my league”? If it was the latter, whoever said there was a league to begin with?

Are you in a dysfunctional relationship that is tearing you apart, but you stay anyway?

If you consistently answer ‘yes’ to such questions, you are dying a slow death. It doesn’t have to be that way.

The essential question is this:

How long will you wait until you demand the best for yourself and, by extension, those you love? (Thank you, Epictetus)

I’m going to assume that you are tired of playing around and want to make decisive changes in your life. In a second, I will use a real, fear-inducing example to illustrate how you can cultivate courage sooner rather than later.

The process you are going to use has an Ignition Step, followed by three additional Action Steps, steps that will repeat themselves.

Four steps. That’s it. Repeat those four steps again and again, and you will be astounded by what you can accomplish and experience.

The following three action steps have no meaning if the thing you are trying to crush doesn’t elicit fear in you.

In addition to selecting something that generates fear in your body, you need to understand the consequences of either continuing to do nothing or choosing to act.

So, let me use an example from my own life.

I once taught at an elite private school in Florida. For several years, I reported to a man who was an expert at psychological warfare. He delighted in showcasing his encyclopedic knowledge as if he were a walking Wikipedia.

This man was given carte blanche by an incompetent head of school to inflict as much pain and suffering as he saw fit, so long as he “got the job done.” He was brutally efficient.

I needed my job - it paid well and I loved working with the kids. But when this man began humiliating me in front of my colleagues, accusing me of incompetence, the rage and fear began boiling in my veins.

I attempted to report his behavior to HR without success. I reported him to the head of school, again with no success.

I needed to confront this man face-to-face. Was I scared shitless? You bet your ass.

Could this man have fired me? Yes, he could have, no doubt about it. However, I consulted a labor attorney before deciding to act, and the odds were in my favor that he would be unable to do so.

Then there were the personal consequences to consider beyond my job.

If I did nothing, my anxiety and stress level would continue to rise, and my health would suffer. My teaching would suffer. The abusive behavior would continue unabated.

I asked myself,

I knew the lesson I wanted them to learn and the one I needed to teach myself. It was game on.

When I could no longer sit still and do nothing, I decided to act. Instead of telling myself,

I began saying,

That one thing, changing my thoughts, put into motion a series of events that would change my life and that of my colleagues.

I was ready for Action Step Two.

Most of the humiliations I experienced occurred during a weekly meeting called “The Academic Council.”

Armed with the belief in my professionalism and ready to accept whatever consequences came my way, I was prepared for his next attack. I didn’t need to wait very long.

Let’s call this pathetic ‘leader’ Brad.

At the next meeting, Brad accused me of unparalleled unprofessionalism for hiring someone he deemed unfit. The person he spoke of didn’t have the Ivy League pedigree he did, and therefore didn’t clear his intellectual hurdle. He also openly disparaged people of color, especially women. He was the incompetent one.

Sitting in the middle of the conference room, I slowly rose to my feet.

I looked directly at Brad and said,

And then I quietly left the room. You could have heard a feather floating to the floor.

Action Step Three awaited.

Then something remarkable happened.

One by one, my colleagues joined me in my classroom to offer support. Some were crying tears of gratitude. Their respect for me had skyrocketed.

I found myself avoiding anyone who complained about Brad’s behavior and was not willing to address it constructively.

I surrounded myself with courageous warriors - professionals who, like me, were willing to put their professional lives on the line to stand up to tyrannical behavior.

When you want to strengthen your resolve and courage, create an environment that nurtures them, not one that depletes them.

As a result of changing my thoughts, acting on those thoughts, and creating a supportive environment, I had earned the right to say the following…

If you dissect courage, you will find something profound.

By following this 3-step Action Plan and repeating it, you build what the legendary psychologist, Albert Bandura, called “self-efficacy.”

In simple terms, self-efficacy refers to the strength of your ability to make shit happen.

Courageous actions are born out of hard-earned self-efficacy.

The heroic first responders you read about worked their asses off to become courageous - it didn’t magically materialize and it won’t for you, either.

Courage, by definition, is serious hard work with equally serious consequences.

If “courage is as courage does,” are you willing to get off your ass and stare down fear?

I bet you are.